Like a bad penny, like the prodigal son, like MacArthur in World War II...well, you get the idea: I have returned. My initial plan was to write regularly about having colorectal cancer and all the hilarious hi-jinks that go along with that, but it proved to be a more daunting task than I would have thought.
To begin with, I'm pretty lazy in the best of times. Now that I feel less than stellar on occasion, I have a built in excuse to avoid doing anything constructive, like writing about having cancer. Another reason I've not been putting fingers to keyboard is that when I do feel like writing, I want it to be good, not something superficial and glib. Because that's the way I feel sometimes, as if I'm merely keeping up appearances, putting on a happy face because I think it's healthy to have a positive attitude. The truth is there are times when I'm not so positive, when I have dark moments. I don't want to ignore those dark moments. But I wasn't quite ready to write about them yet. So I took what turned out to be a month off from posting on this blog. (There was also an incident that put things on hold for a while, but that's a story for another day.)
It's time to get writing again, so I will be posting brilliant thoughts and observations on a regular basis, a few times a week. Some will be short posts, like today's. This will bring immediacy to the writing, to help give an impression of what things are like on a daily, or almost daily, basis. Other posts will be longer, hopefully thoughtful pieces about what's going on in my head, not just my body.
But enough about me, here's some more about me: Today's post is called "I'm Tired," and it's about, well, being tired, in the sense that some aspects of having cancer can be a little boring and wear one's patience thin.
I'M TIRED
I’m tired of thinking about my bowels, I’m tired of talking about my bowels, I’m tired of hearing my stomach rumble, I’m tired of having to go to the bathroom all the time. In short, I’m tired.
Radiation has been over for almost a month, chemotherapy for even longer. Yet their side effects continue to linger. The main issue for me now is bathroom usage. Whether it’s number one or number two, when I have to go, I have to go. And I mean now. Right now.
I have to say, I’m tired of having bowel movements. I’m particularly tired of having loose movements. I’m tired of having to pee all the time, too, although that’s not really so bad. What’s bad is feeling like I may have released just a slight bit of urine before I’m able to make it to the bathroom, when in reality I haven’t. It’s just an odd feeling, one not accompanied by actual production. While it’s mildly annoying, I suppose it’s much better than actually releasing any amount of urine without noticing it all.
Never in a million years would I have thought I’d have to be so concerned about my bathroom habits, but there you go. Cancer changes everything. It really is a pain in the ass.
To begin with, I'm pretty lazy in the best of times. Now that I feel less than stellar on occasion, I have a built in excuse to avoid doing anything constructive, like writing about having cancer. Another reason I've not been putting fingers to keyboard is that when I do feel like writing, I want it to be good, not something superficial and glib. Because that's the way I feel sometimes, as if I'm merely keeping up appearances, putting on a happy face because I think it's healthy to have a positive attitude. The truth is there are times when I'm not so positive, when I have dark moments. I don't want to ignore those dark moments. But I wasn't quite ready to write about them yet. So I took what turned out to be a month off from posting on this blog. (There was also an incident that put things on hold for a while, but that's a story for another day.)
It's time to get writing again, so I will be posting brilliant thoughts and observations on a regular basis, a few times a week. Some will be short posts, like today's. This will bring immediacy to the writing, to help give an impression of what things are like on a daily, or almost daily, basis. Other posts will be longer, hopefully thoughtful pieces about what's going on in my head, not just my body.
But enough about me, here's some more about me: Today's post is called "I'm Tired," and it's about, well, being tired, in the sense that some aspects of having cancer can be a little boring and wear one's patience thin.
I'M TIRED
I’m tired of thinking about my bowels, I’m tired of talking about my bowels, I’m tired of hearing my stomach rumble, I’m tired of having to go to the bathroom all the time. In short, I’m tired.
Radiation has been over for almost a month, chemotherapy for even longer. Yet their side effects continue to linger. The main issue for me now is bathroom usage. Whether it’s number one or number two, when I have to go, I have to go. And I mean now. Right now.
I have to say, I’m tired of having bowel movements. I’m particularly tired of having loose movements. I’m tired of having to pee all the time, too, although that’s not really so bad. What’s bad is feeling like I may have released just a slight bit of urine before I’m able to make it to the bathroom, when in reality I haven’t. It’s just an odd feeling, one not accompanied by actual production. While it’s mildly annoying, I suppose it’s much better than actually releasing any amount of urine without noticing it all.
Never in a million years would I have thought I’d have to be so concerned about my bathroom habits, but there you go. Cancer changes everything. It really is a pain in the ass.
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